A lot of things different

Over the course of the last 2 weeks I have had many emotions. I cried numerous times, I felt like I was going to die, I went through a breakup 3 times in a week, I did a lot of realization, I threw up 7 times, I've been unsure of myself, and now back into the relationship. Why you might ask? Because when you care about someone it's hard to let them go, especially when you are unsure of your own motives for the breakup. Also, when the whole week following the breakup, you still hang out with this person and, after talking things out, things were wonderful (which should have been talked about in the first place). So I'm giving it another go. It will be a year on October 30th...so it's been a long time.

My brother went through this same thing with his girlfriend. Fighting a lot and then breaking up for a week and then getting back together. I'm not sure if this is the healthiest thing, but it seemed to do something. I guess it makes you appreciate each other more.

I try not to be influenced by what other people say but I seem to always fall into that. I've been so confused and unsure of what I really want because I have some people telling me one thing and others telling me another. I feel manipulated and influenced in negative ways. I think things are going to be getting back to normal (or as normal as they can be) and I will be happy again. I wasn't happy for a few months and I thought if I got rid of what I thought caused me all the stress then everything would be perfect; but it wasn't. I do a lot of things and am always busy. I work, go to school, have a boyfriend, go to church and workout all the while trying to keep myself sane. I pick up random tasks along the way such as babysitting and things like that but I never give myself time for ME.

I think I desperately need "me time"; at least once a week or a little bit every where I can just focus on what I need to do, and not trying to make others happy all the time. I don't have to agree to every babysitting job, especially when I know I have things to do. I guess I try to fill up my time so I don't have to do the important stuff; like school work.

Pray that I can manage my time better and also rely more on God for when things are going bad or I am stressed out.